The Joke Thread

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
Heard Harry tell this tale on Talk Sport a while back. It was a longer, more detailed version, totally hiarious the way he described it and all the funnier because there was no clue as to the punchline. But it's still worth a listen....... if you can stand Robbie Savage. :D

 

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States,

wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a

sudden Luis says:

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon,

double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert, don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon? Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

With that, Luis staggers towards the tree.

He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind,

when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.

Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:

"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo, what ees it?"

"Pepe ees not a bacon tree. Ees...

Ees...

Ees...

Ees...

Ees...

Ees...

Ees... a HAM BUSH!!
 

Jackflash

Midfield General
Staff member
Teacher. "Jonny if I gave you two cats and two cats and two cats, how many cats would you have?" Jonny " Seven Miss"
Teacher " Now listen carefully again Jonny if I gave you two cats and two cats and two cats how many cats would you have? Jonny "Seven Miss"
Teacher "Let me put it another way, if I gave you two apples and two apples and two apples how many apples would you have."? Jonny " Six Miss"
Teacher " Why then when I ask you the same question with cats why do you say seven?" Jonny " Because I've already got a cat Miss"
 
This is a true story:

"A 27-year-old Indian man plans to sue his parents for giving birth to him without his consent.

Mumbai businessman Raphael Samuel told the BBC that it's wrong to bring children into the world because they then have to put up with lifelong suffering.

Mr Samuel, of course, understands that our consent can't be sought before we are born, but insists that "it was not our decision to be born".

So as we didn't ask to be born, we should be paid for the rest of our lives to live, he argues.

A demand like this could cause a rift within any family, but Mr Samuel says he gets along very well with his parents (both of whom are lawyers) and they appear to be dealing with it with a lot of humour."


His mother has an excellent sense of humour:

"Mum said she wished she had met me before I was born and that if she did, she definitely wouldn't have had me". :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:

Read the whole story here:


https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-47154287
 
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