The Joke Thread
- Thread starter Borini
- Start date
Victor Mature was refused membership of an exclusive golf club because he was an actor.
"I'm not," he replied, "and I've got 60 films to prove it!"
"I'm not," he replied, "and I've got 60 films to prove it!"
Crossword clue: Listen carefully, it's a sexual perversion 5 2 4 4
Prick up your ears.
Prick up your ears.
Some answers teachers have experienced from students taking A levels.
In which battle did Napoleon die? ……………...His last one.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed.? …………………..At the bottom of the page.
The river Ravi flows in which State.? ……………………...Liquid state
What is the main reason for divorce.? …………………..Marriage
In which battle did Napoleon die? ……………...His last one.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed.? …………………..At the bottom of the page.
The river Ravi flows in which State.? ……………………...Liquid state
What is the main reason for divorce.? …………………..Marriage
Nah, mun, he's just a wanker!! 
Behindthegoal
Key Player
Soixanteneuf suggests he comes good in the second half.
Perhaps my favourite comedian Dave Allen. If you don't laugh at this you must be dead!!
Dunno that @Ladygargar would agree with this. She's capable of driving a camper van the size of a frigging bus!!
The Blobster
Prediction Champ
Ask tesco to check CCTV .
I bumped someone once and had a message put out in store ,, young girl came out and I payed for her repair. Shame not everyone is honest.
If tesco have CCTV have the police to throw the book at the buggers !
I bumped someone once and had a message put out in store ,, young girl came out and I payed for her repair. Shame not everyone is honest.
If tesco have CCTV have the police to throw the book at the buggers !
Reminds me of joke. A guy reversed into another car in the carpark in front of quite a few witness's, he got out and wrote a note and put it on the other car behind the windscreen wiper. It read " I've just bumped your car, the people watching think I'm leaving my name and address and Ins. details,so will hardly take my Reg. No. sorry about the bump."
Teacher in a class of young boys asked the question "Who can give me a sentence using the word Contagious." A little boy stands up and says " my mammy said my brother has the measles and they are very contagious." Very good says the teacher. Another little boy stands up and says "My mammy won't let my daddy mow the lawn, because she said "It takes the c#nt ages."
I hate that about supermarket car parks gits that can’t drive and twits that leave trolleys on the loose no wasn’t me Boz
If I’d run reversed into your car - there would be no getting back into it with my tank - ask if they’ve got CVTV.........
I learned long ago to adopt 'defensive parking' where I could even if it means a longer walk to the shop. I saw a cartoon once and it still brings a mega-size grin to my chops. It will lose a lot in translation but picture an aerial view of a large car park with just a solitary car in a parking bay. It's the ONLY vehicle in the entire car park. This woman driver has just driven in and reversed into the car trying to park next to it. Not being sexist: blame the cartoonist.