The Joke Thread

Jackflash

Jackflash

Midfield General
Staff member
Japanese scientists have just invented a camera with shutter speed so fast that it an capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.
If your a woman who just got upset reading this, remember, it's just a joke.
Of course there's no camera that's that fast.
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
"Dad, I got expelled from school today."

What?! Why?

"The teacher pointed his ruler at me and said, 'there's an idiot on the end of this ruler;

"I asked, which end?"

"You are totally my son!"
 
Jackflash

Jackflash

Midfield General
Staff member
Mrs Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. he lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal she couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact . she began to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mothers thoughts Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Maria and I are just roommates"
About a week later Maria came to Anthony saying, "ever since tour mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl, you don't suppose she took it do you?
"Well I doubt it but I'll email her just to be sure" So he sat down and wrote an email.
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying you "did not" take it/
But the fact remains it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son .
Anthony.
. A few days later Anthony received a response email.
Dear Son.
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying you "don't".
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama.
 
Jackflash

Jackflash

Midfield General
Staff member
A body builder takes off his shirt & a blond says "Wow what a great chest you have," he says 100lbs of dynamite Babe.
He then removes his pants, and the blond says " What massive calves you have" he replies that's 100lbs of dynamite Babe.
He then removes his underwear, and the blond goes running away screaming in fear.
He puts his clothes on and chases after her, he catches her & asks why she ran away like that.
The blond replies " I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was."
 
Jackflash

Jackflash

Midfield General
Staff member
GIRLFRIEND.

My boyfriend was dying, I was at his bedside when he said in a weak voice "There's something I must confess"
" Shhh" I said, "there's nothing to confess, everything is alright."
"No I must die in peace" he said. " I had sex with your sister ,your best friend, and a co-worker"
" I know " I whispered "That's why I poisoned you,.....now close your eyes".
 
CroJack

CroJack

Key Player
When a friend of mine had sex the first time in his life, he, of course, pretended to be an experienced lover.

When his girlfriend asked him which position he preferred, he didn't hesitate much.

Right wing, he answered.
 
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