Football Quotes

[ivoralljack]

"What he's got is legs, which the other midfielders don't have." Lennie Lawrence.

"The important thing is he shook hands with us over the phone." Alan Ball.

"When a player gets to 30, so does his body." Glen Hoddle.

"I have a number of alternatives and each one gives me something different." Glen Hoddle.

"I just wonder what would have happened if the shirt had been on the other foot." Mike Walker.

"The beauty of cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath." Terry Butcher rewrites the Bible.

"We didn't look like scoring, although we looked like we were going to get a goal." Alan Buckley.

 

[CroJack]

"If you can't pass a ball properly, a bowl of pasta's not going to make that much difference." Redknapp is suspicious of the merits of football's dietary revolution.

And he is damn right

 

[ivoralljack]

"Today's top players only want to play in London or for Manchester United. That's what happened when I tried to sign Alan Shearer and he went to Blackburn." Graeme Souness's geography a bit off.

"I was inbred into the game by my father." A disturbing one from David Pleat.

"I don't read everything I read in the press." David Jones. Well, he was a one-time manager of Cardiff.

"I've seen players sent off for worse than that." Joe Royle. I guess you might well do.

"We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day." Bobby Gould with some festive cheer.

"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." A classic from Terry Venables.

"It will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience that doesn't come along that often." Can't argue with that! Steve McLaren on FC Twente's Champions League draw against Arsenal.

 

[Yankee_Jack]

Insider joke ...

"Don't flap it's in hand", Club Secretary to former Wales U-23 international keeper Lyn Davies when being pestered for the umpteenth time on a promise for new tires.

"If you can't take it, don't give it", Ducks during a practice game.

 

[ivoralljack]

Insider joke ...

"Don't flap it's in hand", Club Secretary to former Wales U-23 international keeper Lyn Davies when being pestered for the umpteenth time on a promise for new tires.

"If you can't take it, don't give it", Ducks during a practice game.

I remember keeper Lyn well. The bugger had a siege gun boot that launched the ball from box to box whenever he wanted. Lost count of the goals we scored from his direct assists with JB often cashing in on them.

As for Ducks, this remark was usually directed at a newbie in the squad whom he'd just flattened. The rest of us knew better!!!

But a word about Ducks @Yankee_Jack . The way we talk about him on here people might think that he was some sort of a Razor Ruddock type, built like a brick shithouse and snarling and kicking his way through every game. Not the case. He was built along the lines of a taller Tommy Smith and went about the dark arts as more of a silent assassin type. He was a complete professional at doing this, leaving a trail of crumpled, moaning victims on the floor wondering what train they'd been hit by. He feared nothing and no one but here's the thing: he could really play as well and, but for his injury that left him in a coma for several days, I have no doubt that he'd have reached the very top in the game. And Ivor said as much to me as well on a number of occasions. Mind you, he also told me that he thought Ducks was one of the dirtiest, nastiest players he'd ever seen at any level.

PS: I'd love the Swans to have someone like him in the team right now. If any of them failed to give 100% in a game, they'd be shitting themselves at the prospect of facing Ducks in the changing room afterwards.

 

[ivoralljack]

"We are a young side that will only get younger." Paul Hart - maybe envisages an embryo playing up front!

"We played a 4-4-3 formation, which we have played before and never failed to win with it." Mark McGhee's new system looks like a winner!

"We changed to a back four and went 4-4-3." Glen Hoddle adopts Mark McGhee's extra player formation.

"You can't say my team aren't winners. They've proved that by finishing fourth, third and second in the last three years." Gerard Houllier.

"Although we are playing Russian Roulette we are obviously playing Catch 22 at the moment and it's a difficult scenario to get my head around." Paul Sturrock is not the only one!

"I can't see us getting beat now, once we get our tails in front." Jim Platt's team must be playing backwards.

 

[ivoralljack]

"If the heat is too hot in the kitchen you get out but I am prepared to stand up and be counted." Glenn Roeder avoids cliches like the plague whilst at West Ham. (On a personal note can't stand cliches. Get sick as a parrot when I read them).

"We scored three today and 99 times out of 10 that means a win." Brighton assistant manager Dean White shows off his grip of maths.

"Backsides and opinions, we've all got them but it's not always a good idea to air them in public." Mick McCarthy.

"Gary Neville is the club captain but he's been injured for the best part of a year now - and Giggsy's taken up the mantlepiece." Rio Ferdinand. (Didn't know that Ryan had become involved in furniture removal).

"Aston Villa! What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?" Tom Hanks - not a soccer fan.

 

[ivoralljack]

Police officer: "Mr McCoist, do you have a police record?"

Ian Durrant: "Walking on the Moon....."

From Ian Durrant's autobiography.

"John Bond has blackened my name with his insinuations about the private lives of football managers. Both my wives are upset." Malcolm Allison.

"You've got to take the rough with the smooth, it's like love and hate, war and peace, all that bollocks." A bit of philosophy from Ian Wright.

"To play for the club you support is a dream come true." Ashley Cole on Arsenal - until he reckoned they didn't pay him enough.

"The best Italian this club has ever signed is the chef." Frank Leboeuf on Chelsea.

 

[ivoralljack]

"He'd no alternative but to make a needless tackle." Chelsea and Celtic defender Paul Elliott.

"I always used to put my right boot on first then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison.

"I was born in Newcastle and I've played for Newcastle Schoolboys all my life." The forever-young Dennis Tueart.

"I find the growing intervention by the football authorities in strictly footballing matters a rather worrying trend." Kenny Cunningham wishes the FA would stay out of football.

"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester." Stan Collymore.

"We could be putting the hammer in Luton's coffin." Ray Wilkins.

"I've always been a childhood Liverpool fan even when I was a kid." Harry Kewell.

 

[ivoralljack]

"I was both surprised and delighted to take the armband for both legs." Gary O'Neil.

"He's started to anticipate what's going to happen before it's even happened." Graeme Le Saux.

"Now the world is my lobster." Keith O'Neill.

"We feel unbeatable at Ewood Park even when we play away." David Bentley loses his bearings.

"I am not going to leave. Never. I am staying here for life." Thierry Henry stays put at Arsenal - before he signs for Barcelona.

"Ten years ago a playmaker could only play when they had the ball. Not now." Joe Cole on the art of invisible passing.

 

[ivoralljack]

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the game." Ian Wright is a little harsh.

"The big thing about Newcastle is there is only Newcastle in Newcastle." Joey Barton was always top of his geography class.

"We're in pole position in second place." David Healey isn't a natural front runner.

"At the moment we're not playing like a top six side. To be a top six side, you've got to be in the top six." You can't fault Jamie Scowcroft's logic.

"Most goals go between the posts." Peter Beagrie is spot on.

"We will probably have to score more goals than we let in to win games." Jermaine Jenas has a cunning plan.

 

[ivoralljack]

"I'm 30 now but back then I was 19..... that's seven years ago." Lee Bowyer mislays four years of his life.

"I've had an interest in horse racing all my life, or longer really." Kevin Keegan was a foetal fan of the sport of kings.

"Before the game, Naomi Campbell came into our dressing room and saw a few things." QPR's Dexter Blackstock (the mind boggles! )

"That was in the past - we're in the future now." David Beckham fancies himself as the new Doctor Who.

"He's going to be what?! Oh for God's sake! Sir David Beckham? You're having a laugh. He's just a good footballer with a famous bird." Ian Holloway - Beckham's biggest fan?

"John Terry is a bloke." It's impossible to pull the wool over Ray Wilkins' eyes.

"We are happy with three points but it could have been more." Ryan Giggs is never satisfied.

 

[ivoralljack]

"I can assure West Ham fans that no stone will be unearthed in our preparation for next week." Alan Pardew doesn't care about training.

"The 2,000 away fans will be unhappy. In fact half of them have gone, there's only 500 left." Chris Waddle misplaces 500 Man City supporters.

"Fourth place is what we're aiming for. We don't want to be second best." Phil Neville sets his sights high?

"Glen Roeder will think for a few minutes before making a rash decision." Steve Stone with touching faith.

"This is our Achilles heel which has been stabbing us in the back all season." David O'Leary, anatomical genius.

 

[ivoralljack]

"My ankle injury's been a real pain in the arse." Southampton's David Prutton failed his biology GCSE. (so did I ).

"Any manager will tell you they'd rather win one and lose two than draw three because you get more points." Les Ferdinand needs a calculator!

"This performance today shows that other teams are going to have to score more goals than us if they want to beat us." No-one pulls the wool over Darren Bent's eyes.

"People just looked lost. Too many players looked like fish on trees." Paul Merson on England's worrying failings.

"If I put a cap on, people say it's Peter Crouch with a cap on." Peter Crouch is a master of disguise.

 

[ivoralljack]

"Jermaine {Defoe} is only five foot but he was about eight foot before the game." Robbie Keane on his incredible shrinking team-mate.

"We were disappointed that we conceded a goal in our dressing room." Stuart Pearce's defence must be really, really bad.

"I was still, you know, throwing my clothes out of the pram." Joey Barton, childhood stripper.

"Danny Murphy's been scoring with benders all season." Bryan Robson casts aspersions.

"Rooney will do anything for you in any position." Wayne Rooney's keen to please, according to Mark Lawrenson.

 

[ivoralljack]

"In this day and age you don't see too many players with two feet." This particular reporter is watching a different game to everyone else.

"We have bought two new players. One is younger than the other." Sven-Goran Eriksson never signs twins!

"I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time." Kevin Keegan: no flies on him!

"He's a BIG unit - and if he's Junior Agogo, I certainly wouldn't want to meet Senior Agogo!" Simon Hill of Fox Sport.

"Dirk Kuyt is earning himself the reputation as Anfield's Prince Harry - in the front line for 3 months and no one knows about it." Phil Thomas the Sun.

 

[ivoralljack]

"Murphy was unselfish, but I feel he should have shot himself." David Pleat is a tad harsh.

"Spurs haven't created many chances. Robbie Keane's flashed a couple of times but nothing more." Andy Gray cops an unwanted eyeful.

"You can only score against the team you are playing against." David Pleat, tactical genius.

"Reading just had a great five-man move that involved everyone." Phil Thompson's figures just don't add up.

"He should have been given goal of the season for that shot even though it went wide." Pat Nevin fails to grasp the whole 'goal of the season' concept.

 

[ivoralljack]

"There is a no-smoking policy in all parts of the Layer Road ground. Anyone who is caught smoking will be taken away, strapped to an electric chair and electrocuted until they are dead. Thank you." The Colchester stadium announcer makes his point.

"Adebayor was queerly frustrated." Does Jeff Stelling know something we don't?"

"Arsene Wenger uses the FA Cup to bleed his youngsters." It's tough being an Arsenal youngster according to Alvin Martin.

"Diouf is a master of the dark art of the winger. He draws you in then he sucks you off." Gary Birtles appears to be on intimate terms with El-Hadji Doiuf.

"David Moyes does like to get dirty with his players." Team bonding at Everton according to Charlie Nicholas.

 

[ivoralljack]

"Parkin's making a run towards the box, he might get there sometime this week." Jonathan Pearce doesn't rate Jon Parkin's pace then.

"Marseille needed to score first and that never looked likely once Liverpool had taken the lead." Nothing gets past David Pleat!

"Michael Dawson clearly put his ball to the hand." What game is Iain Dowie watching?

"If United don't equalise, they might lose this game." Micky Thomas cuts to the chase.

"David Unsworth is fatter than me and Gavin Mahon couldn't even pass wind accurately today." Commentator Martin Price thrilled with his visit to Vicarage Road.

 

[ivoralljack]

"Ballack is having a nightmare. They'll be changing his name soon." Chris Waddle, cunning linguist.

"Don't hoover while Chelsea are playing because if you knock the telly, Robben will fall over." Ruud Gullit thinks Robben is a soft touch.

"Ian Pearce has limped off with what looks like a shoulder injury." Tony Cottee failed his medical exams.

"For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls." David Pleat.

"The penalty was as clear as night is day." Alan Green doesn't know what time it is.