Football Quotes

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"Chelsea has Roman Abramovich and his billions made from Russian oilfields and we've got Barry Hearn who does own a rather lucrative snooker hall in Ilford." Comedian and Leyton Orient fan Bob Mills.

"This referee's so poor I'd have been booked just getting off the coach." Norman Hunter.

"You only have to fart in the box to concede a penalty these days." Kevin Blackwell smells a conspiracy.

"The referee was booking everyone. I thought he was filling in his lottery numbers." Ian Wright.

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Ron Atkinson.

"I don't know about making referees professional. They love themselves enough as it is now." Paul Scholes.

 

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"Home advantage gives you an advantage " - Sir Bobby Robson on advantage of having an advantage

 

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"After the wheel the Play Station is the greatest invention of all time." - Andrea Pirlo on science

 

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"They appoint me for being calm. Then they sack me and say I'm too calm." - Carlo Ancelloti on Steve Cooper's paradox

 

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"Sandro's holding his face. You can tell from that it's a knee injury." - Dion Dublin on body language

 

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"I think Southampton will finish above teams that are well below them." - Paul Merson on probability theory

 

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"He is like the English equivalent of Teddy Sheringham." - Trevor Brooking on an English equivalent of an Englishman

 

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"The referee in question was not one of my favourite people. In fact, anyone who craps in Graham Poll's toilet can't be all bad." Referee Jeff Winter on the Robbie Savage toilet incident.

"Don't talk about the game, talk about Uriah Rennie - that's what he likes and he's always been the same." Kevin Keegan on his favourite referee.

"We'll see you in the second half for the next part of the Uriah Rennie show." Preston's half-time announcer isn't impressed with Mr Rennie.

"I personally think referees should be wired up to a couple of electrodes and they should be allowed to make three mistakes before you run 50,000 volts through their genitals." Manager John Gregory.

"The officials were the worst team tonight. They were indecisive throughout and there was practically manslaughter on James Scowcroft." Neil Warnock loses his sense of perspective.

 

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"Because you're Australian and you always beat us at everything." David Elleray explains his decision to book an Australian player.

"I know Rob Styles. He'll get up in the morning, look in the mirror and wonder how the other seven wonders of the world got on." Ray Houghton reckons referees are getting vainer.

"The referee was punching the air when they scored." Neil Warnock as his Crystal Palace side concede a late equaliser.

"Thank heavens the official is an intimate friend of mine. I talk with the referee all the time. We speak together regularly and, when we are able, we dine together." Barcelona boss Frank Rijkaard teases Chelsea rival Jose Mourinho.

"They call themselves professional. They're not professional. Professional means you're good." Paul Jewell, a fan of amateur referees.

 

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"McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee." Martin Tyler is no expert on body language.

"I've learned that you have to score goals to win games." Rafa Benitez is nothing if not a tactical genius.

"Their goals were pure comedy. You'd probably win £250 on Candid Camera for that second one." Crystal Palace boss Neil Warnock's verdict on his side's defending.

"I don't like going to bed at night with only one left back." Peter Taylor on problems with personnel at Wycombe.

"The only way we'll be going to Europe is on Easyjet in the summer." Steve Coppell plays down expectations.

"I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is." The genius of Kevin Keegan.

 

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"Was it as good as sex? Probably, yeah. It's a long while since I've had sex - you'd have to ask the wife." Iain Dowie reveals a little too much after Coventry snatch a late equaliser.

"It wasn't a monkey on my back, it was Planet of the Apes." Mick McCarthy's classic primate pun.

"The challenge on Robbie Savage has been brushed under the table." There must be a shortage of carpets at chez Mark Hughes.

"I've got too many Cavaliers in my side and not enough Roundheads. Too many players with plumes and feathers but not enough hard workers. And the Roundheads won in the end." Paul Sturrock loves his history.

"Apparently he was eating a lasagne and somehow pulled a hamstring - it has to be a world first." Mickey Adams is mystified by his injury list.

"I said to my wife, 'come on it's Valentine's Night. I'll take you somewhere special'. So I took her to Brentford against Southend." Alan Curbishley is an old romantic really.

 

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"He had so much space you could have put a bungalow in there for his retirement." Mick McCarthy wants the Wolves defence to tighten up.

"It's a long time since I've seen a player who you feel would kick his granny to win and that's lovely - though not for the granny." Glen Roeder has bad news for Steven Taylor's family.

"I know the odd indulgence doesn't hurt players from time to time - besides, what can you do? You can't follow a player home to check if his missus is giving him steak and kidney pie for tea instead of pasta." Harry Redknapp comes from the Old School.

"If you can't pass a ball properly, a bowl of pasta's not going to make that much difference." Redknapp is suspicious of the merits of football's dietary revolution.

"Football is all about winning, drawing and losing." Peter Taylor covers the bases.

 

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Sir Bobby Robson. "I would have given my right arm to become a pianist".

 

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"Mansfield gave us one hell of a game. I feared extra time but we are still on the march, still unbeaten, and I'm still a brilliant manager!" Harry Redknapp loves himself.

"At the moment we've only got 16 first team players and my initials stand for Mick McCarthy, not Merlin the Magician." McCarthy just cannot conjure up any more bodies.

"Jens changed his mind but wasn't quick enough to respond to his brain." Arsene Wenger on Jens Lehmann's two heads.

"It was just handcuffs at dawn." Alex Ferguson mixes his metaphors.

"When we meet in airports we don't fight." Apparently Arsene Wenger likes to fight Alex Ferguson elsewhere.

"I was a young lad when I was growing up." Nothing gets past David O'Leary.

"I've just seen the replay again for the first time." David Moyes is caught in a time loop.

 

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"They searched the house and took a computer away that I bought the wife two years ago - I think she learned to turn it on a few days ago." Harry Redknapp's missus needs IT advice.

"I said it in pre-season. In fact I may have said it before the season started." Sir Alex Ferguson's logic - impeccable.

"I bought a Sade CD the other day and after listening to it for a while I thought, 'Christ, no wonder she isn't famous any more'." Ian Holloway, music critic.

"It looked like we picked 11 players off the street and asked them if they fancied a game." Steve Bruce is not impressed.

"Somebody's just given me a video of the game. I don't know why they handed it to me because there's no way I'm going to watch that again." Neil Warnock won't torture himself again.

"I've got more points on my driving licence - I'm not joking." Derby boss Paul Jewell on his sides meagre points haul.

 

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"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes." Steve Coppell gets over-excited in his post-match press conference.

"It's an incredible rise to stardom: at 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven-Goran-Eriksson." Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney.

"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on." Partick Thistle manager, John Lambie, when told a concussed striker didn't know who he was.

"I just wanted to give them some technical advice. I told them the game had started." Ron Atkinson explaining why he moved from the stand to the dug-out during a game with Sheffield United in 1993.

"When you finish playing football, young man, which is going to be very soon, I feel you'll make a very good security guard." David Pleat advises a 17-year-old Neil Razor Ruddock.

"Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first time." Glen Hoddle.

 

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"His management style seems to be based on chaos theory." Mark McGhee on Barry Fry.

"I've told the players we need to win - so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones." Chris Turner motivates his team.

"By the look of him he must have headed a lot of balls." Harry Redknapp on Iain Dowie.

"He floats like butterfly - and stings like one." Brian Clough on Trevor Brooking.

"I like the look of Mourinho. There's a lot of the young Clough about him. For a start he's good looking....." Brian Clough in November 2004.

"Don't worry, Alan, you'll be playing near a great side." Bill Shankly to Alan Ball after he joined Everton.

 

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"Give them these when they arrive - they'll need them." Bill Shankly hands a box of toilet rolls to the Anfield doorman before Everton arrive.

"With him at centre half, we could play Arthur Askey in goal." Bill Shankly on giant defender Ron Yeats.

"Tommy Smith would start a riot in a graveyard." Bill Shankly.

"An inch or two either side of the post and it would have been a goal." Dave 'Harry' Bassett.

"The lads ran their socks into the ground." Sir Alex Ferguson on footwear issues at Manchester United.

"The spirit he has shown has been second to none." Terry Venables on defender Terry Fenwick's drink-driving charge.

 

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"Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football." Sir Bobby Robson.

"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley - unless someone knocks us out." Dave Bassett.

"Outside of quality we had other qualities." Arsenal great, manager Bertie Mee.

"What I said to them at half-time would be unprintable on the radio." Gerry Francis.

"Klinsmann has taken to English football like a duck out of water." Gerry Francis.

"Even when you're dead, you must never allow yourself just to lie down and be buried." Gordon Lee plans a comeback.

"We ended up playing football and that's not our style." Alex MacDonald.

 

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"It's thrown a spanner in the fire." Bobby Gould.

"When Flitcroft played for the A team, he had 'footballer' written all over his forehead." Colin Bell on what marked Garry Flitcroft out from the rest.

"I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we've caused our own downfall." Joe Kinnear.

"If it had gone in it would have been a goal." Joe Royle.

"I am often interested in players but I never say so, although I am looking for a striker and a midfield player." Colin Todd keeps his cards close to his chest.

"I like to think it;s a case of crossing the i's and dotting the t's." Dave Bassett.

"Hartson's got more previous than Jack the Ripper." Harry Redknapp.