Football Quotes

ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
Discovered an old book of mine with quotes from figures in the game - many going back a good while. Some are quite funny and, to my warped sense of humour, some are downright hilarious. Anyway, thought I'd share them with you and I'll print a few each day until they run out. By all means add to the thread if you have any humerous football stories of your own. The first one might remind you of a team near you!! :rolleyes:

"You can compare us at the moment to a bit of soft porn - there is an awful lot of foreplay and not a lot going on in the box!"

Rochdale manager Keith Hill wants more action'.

"A lot of hard work went into this defeat." Malcolm Allison

"Our season is not beyond my wildest dreams - because they usually involve Elle Macpherson."

Hull chairman Paul Duffen after the Tigers moved joint top of the Premier League.
 
Victoria Swan

Victoria Swan

Key Player
Johann Cruyff has always been my favourite source for football quotes:

"I'm not religious. In Spain all 22 players make the sign of the cross before they enter the pitch. If it works all matches must therefore end in a draw."

"Quality without results is pointless. Results without quality is boring."

"Football is a game you play with your mind."
 
Yankee_Jack

Yankee_Jack

Key Player
Cruyff ... “If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”

Clough ... “If he’s not interfering with play then what the hell is he doing out there”

Laudrup ... “fired for causes ... what causes”
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
"Training was terribly slack. Players strolled up at any old time. Some would just stroll round the track and one used to go over the far side for a smoke".

Peter McParland, scorer in the 1957 FA Cup Final, describes life at Aston Villa in the 1950s. (Sounds like life at Ponty before Ivor arrived!)

"It's great to get the first trophy under the bag". Michael Owen.

"The familiar sight of Liverpool lifting the League Cup for the first time....." Commentator Barry Davies.

"Well, we got nine and you can't score more than that." Bobby Robson on a 9-0 thrashing of Luxembourg in 1960, in which he played.

"Not many people can say they scored at the Bernabeu so I was quite pleased, although I don't know how happy keeper Bobby Mimms was."

Alan Harper on his own goal in a 1987 friendly with Real Madrid.
 
CroJack

CroJack

Data Analyst
Staff member
"You are asking me why I'm wearing number 21? Because I'm three times better than Christiano Ronaldo (CR7)!"
-Zlatan on 3x7=21, answering the question about his squad number

"I can't help but laugh how perfect I am."
Zlatan on Zlatan

"We're looking for an apartment. If we don't find anything, then I'll probably just buy the hotel."
- Zlatan at his unveiling as a Paris Saint-Germain player.

"I don't believe they can change the Eiffel Tower for my statue, even the people behind the club. But if they can, I will stay here -- I promise you."
- Zlatan on his future with PSG.

Zlatan: "Only God knows who will go through."
Reporter: "It's hard to ask him."
Zlatan: "You're talking to him."

"I didn't injure you on purpose and you know that. If you accuse me again I'll break both your legs, and that time it will be on purpose."
- Zlatan's response to Rafael van der Vaart's accusation that he purposely injured him.

"Then Guardiola started his philosopher thing. I was barely listening. Why would I? It was advanced bullshit about blood, sweat and tears, that kind of stuff."
- Zlatan on Guardiola's tactical briefing

"I don't think that you can score as spectacular a goal as those of Zlatan in a video game -- even though these games are very realistic these days."
- Zlatan on himself scoring spectacular goals

"If anything, the children of Paris should be giving me even more money for having the privilege of being in the same city as my incredible quality. And so should David Beckham. Call it a Zlaritable donation."
- Zlatan on children of Paris

"Arsene Wenger asked me to have a trial with Arsenal when I was 17. I turned it down. Zlatan doesn't do auditions."
- Zlatan on trials
 
CroJack

CroJack

Data Analyst
Staff member
"Sessegnion gets it on his left hand foot."
- Iain Dowie

"As any African team, Jamaica are going to be strong."
- Edison Cavani

"That's completely unstoppable, but the keeper's got to do better for me."
- Michael Owen

"Not only has he shown Junior Lewis red card, but he's sent him off."
- Chris Camara
 
Yankee_Jack

Yankee_Jack

Key Player
KVetch

KVetch

Key Player
Yankee_Jack said:
Cruyff ... “If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.”

Clough ... “If he’s not interfering with play then what the hell is he doing out there”

Laudrup ... “fired for causes ... what causes”
Click to expand...
Cloughie should have a few.

A good game would be guessing where the quotes came from. Who said what during what match.

“The boat is on the sea! The bait is on the hook but there is nothing so far. I am not on the boat, I am on the beach watching."

"They are like a Formula One car. But at 4pm in London it will be difficult to speed, they would be a car like any other. We needed to make sure there was traffic, we could not let them have open roads to drive in.”
 
KVetch

KVetch

Key Player
CroJack said:
"You are asking me why I'm wearing number 21? Because I'm three times better than Christiano Ronaldo (CR7)!"
-Zlatan on 3x7=21, answering the question about his squad number

"I can't help but laugh how perfect I am."
Zlatan on Zlatan

"We're looking for an apartment. If we don't find anything, then I'll probably just buy the hotel."
- Zlatan at his unveiling as a Paris Saint-Germain player.

"I don't believe they can change the Eiffel Tower for my statue, even the people behind the club. But if they can, I will stay here -- I promise you."
- Zlatan on his future with PSG.

Zlatan: "Only God knows who will go through."
Reporter: "It's hard to ask him."
Zlatan: "You're talking to him."

"I didn't injure you on purpose and you know that. If you accuse me again I'll break both your legs, and that time it will be on purpose."
- Zlatan's response to Rafael van der Vaart's accusation that he purposely injured him.

"Then Guardiola started his philosopher thing. I was barely listening. Why would I? It was advanced bullshit about blood, sweat and tears, that kind of stuff."
- Zlatan on Guardiola's tactical briefing

"I don't think that you can score as spectacular a goal as those of Zlatan in a video game -- even though these games are very realistic these days."
- Zlatan on himself scoring spectacular goals

"If anything, the children of Paris should be giving me even more money for having the privilege of being in the same city as my incredible quality. And so should David Beckham. Call it a Zlaritable donation."
- Zlatan on children of Paris

"Arsene Wenger asked me to have a trial with Arsenal when I was 17. I turned it down. Zlatan doesn't do auditions."
- Zlatan on trials
Click to expand...
Zlatan I like him a lot. Probably hate his guts if he played for Leeds or something like that.
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
KVetch said:
Cloughie should have a few.

A good game would be guessing where the quotes came from. Who said what during what match.

“The boat is on the sea! The bait is on the hook but there is nothing so far. I am not on the boat, I am on the beach watching."

"They are like a Formula One car. But at 4pm in London it will be difficult to speed, they would be a car like any other. We needed to make sure there was traffic, we could not let them have open roads to drive in.”
Click to expand...
Is that our Carlos?
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
Victoria Swan said:
Here's another Cruyff one that Steve Cooper would do well to drill into our midfield and attackers:
"When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball 3 minutes on average ... So, the most important thing is: what do you do during those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball. That is what determines whether you're a good player or not."
Click to expand...
Many years ago Norman Lawson, ex-Swan and business colleague, was my manager in the Welsh League and he was talking to the players as a group before training. This was long before Cruyff's managerial days and Norman told us that if a player had 5 minutes possession in a game, this was huge and that he would probably be the MOM. So the principle has been around for a very long time and Cooper should be well aware of it. The thing is, as you say, is he able to make our players aware of it?
 
Yankee_Jack

Yankee_Jack

Key Player
KVetch said:
Cloughie should have a few.

A good game would be guessing where the quotes came from. Who said what during what match.

“The boat is on the sea! The bait is on the hook but there is nothing so far. I am not on the boat, I am on the beach watching."

"They are like a Formula One car. But at 4pm in London it will be difficult to speed, they would be a car like any other. We needed to make sure there was traffic, we could not let them have open roads to drive in.”
Click to expand...
Carlos Carvalhal
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
"Up front we played like world beaters - at the back it was more like panel beaters." Paul Jewell.

"We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other 3% that cost us the game." Ruud Gullit.

"If you never concede a goal you're going to win more games than you lose." Bobby Moore.

"I don't believe in superstitions. I just do certain things because I'm scared something will happen if I don't do them." Michael Owen fails to grasp the whole 'superstitious' concept.

"That's the way I am and I always will be. After all, I kick Laurent Robert in training - and he's one of our players." Newcastle United's Andy Griffin on his no-nonsense training philosophy. (Straight out of the school of Ducks is that one :eek::oops:)
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
When Ron Saunders took over at WBA, Mickey Thomas says that he went for a slightly different opening gambit than the usual. "Right," he barked, I'm the new manager. You can call me a !#@* if you want but you'll have to pick your bollocks up afterwards." (Ron Saunders was a hard nut of the first order, so I'm guessing that no one accepted his invitation).

Graham Taylor was not the favourite of many players. Andy Gray was not too impressed with him either. "My second spell at Villa ended in the summer of 1987 with the arrival of Graham Taylor. You could say it resulted from a clash of personalities - I had one and he didn't".

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist". Bobby Robson.

"Two questions - why were England so poor, and if they were poor, why?" Commentator Ian Payne.

"We didn't have the run of the mill." Glen Hoddle.

"We pressed the self-destruct button ourselves." Brian Kidd.
 
KVetch

KVetch

Key Player
"I'm very happy to have moved to West Ham, because I can play for a better team than Sheffield Wednesday."

"The man who comes to take care of my piranhas told me that if I left West Ham he would kill all my fish."
 
ivoralljack

ivoralljack

Grizzled Veteran
Staff member
"It was very nice to enter the locker room. There was a good feeling in there and I got a good feeling from Kevin Doyle and Stephen Hunt." Reading new boy Marek Matejovsky is touched by his special welcome.

"Our major problem is that we don't know how to play football." Sam Allardyce.

"If they hadn't scored, we'd have won." Howard Wilkinson.

"To get players to come to Plymouth I had to beat them up and drug them." Ian Holloway's drastic method to recruit new players.
 
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